FROM MCSWEENEYS.NET :
ALTHOUGH i LIKE A GOOD GEORGE W BUSH JOKE AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY, SOME
OF THEM SEEM GRATUITOUS AND MEAN SPIRITED. BY MATT ALEXANDER
Q: How many telemarketers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wouldn't a more relevant question be "How many pounds of cocaine has Bush snorted?"
- - - -
A doctor, a lawyer, and an
accountant all die and go to heaven on the same day. When they get to
the Pearly Gates, they are greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Scott
McClellan is a lying sack of shit and I'd tell him so myself if he
weren't going straight to hell when he dies."
- - - -
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
A: I'm not sure, but
if the answer is "A cure for Parkinson's disease," then Bush will try
to stop scientists from breeding them. Because he likes it when people
get Parkinson's.
- - - -
This guy walks into a bar
carrying a small poodle in one hand and a bowling ball in the other.
The guy says, "I'd like a glass of milk for me and a whiskey for my
poodle." The bartender says, "Yeah? Well, I'd like an impartial and
independent judiciary, but try telling that to Bush, Frist, and the
rest of the GOP!"
- - - -
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a monkey?
A: I'm sorry, I can't
think about that right now because I'm too busy wondering why Congress
hasn't launched an official investigation into Bush lying to the
American public about WMDs and leading us into a war under false
pretenses. Tell you what—as soon as I solve that little riddle, I'll
get to work on your little genetic experiment.
- - - -
Q: How many eggs does it take to make a good omelet?
A: Three. By the way, Tom DeLay is a hypocrite of the highest order.
- - - -
Did you hear that Bill Clinton
hired a new intern? It turns out that his old intern had to go home and
spend time with her family after her brother was killed in Iraq.
- - - -
Q: How many golf players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The answer may be
locked away in the minutes of Cheney's secret energy meetings. However,
conventional wisdom says that the meetings were probably about finding
a Cabinet-level position for a pre-scandal Ken Lay or about doing
business with the Taliban.
- - - -
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Under the Patriot Act, we don't have to tell you that.
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